dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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