I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
