That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
