JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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