I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
