Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
