Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
