Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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