So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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