nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
