maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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