I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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