i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
this hospital has no fireball
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
