i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
