Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
