as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
