Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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