grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
