I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
