While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize