I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
