She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
