Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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