i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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