I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
