Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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