My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
