I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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