I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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