Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We're too hungover to prance.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
