nut hugger
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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