My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize