college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize