I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
