All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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