Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he thought i was a dude.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
