Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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