my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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