How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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