just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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