tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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