I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
its liver damage thursday
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
