I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
