why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
