Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
