Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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