I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
