I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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