two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
