my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
