dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
