i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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