My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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