neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
