Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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