Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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