i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
