Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
