I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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