Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The adults are the big ones right?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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