she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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