also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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