I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
