I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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