great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
