Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
