I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
