so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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