how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize