Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
