So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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