I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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