I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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