She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
