the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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