I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
