How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
