i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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