Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
