did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
