What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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