I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
