I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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