nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
