Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize