Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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