we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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