Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
