Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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