toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
