What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
