So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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