We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
