We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
