my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
