I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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