last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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