we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
