So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
