My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
