we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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