They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
