i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
