Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
