There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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